Disputing Your Beliefs Is Not About Toxic Positivity—It’s About Realistic Thinking

When you hear the phrase 'dispute your beliefs,' it might sound like we’re being asked to sugarcoat our pain or slap a smile on a serious situation. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), disputing your beliefs isn’t about denying your emotions or pretending everything is fine. It’s about stepping back, challenging your thinking, and adopting a more realistic—and helpful—perspective.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t toxic positivity. Toxic positivity insists that you only focus on the good, that you suppress any uncomfortable feelings, and that somehow, just being cheerful will fix everything. It often leads to shame, avoidance, and disconnection from reality.

Realistic thinking, by contrast, is grounded. It allows for complexity. It acknowledges pain while refusing to amplify it with irrational, exaggerated beliefs.

Imagine you’ve made a mistake at work. You might catch yourself thinking:

• 'This is a disaster.'
• 'Everyone must think I’m incompetent.'
• 'I can’t handle this.'

Those are beliefs—automatic, emotionally charged, and often not true. If you hold on to them, you’re likely to feel anxious, ashamed, or stuck.
Now let’s dispute them.

• Is this really a disaster? Or is it just a setback?
• Do I have evidence that everyone thinks I’m incompetent—or am I catastrophizing?
• Have I handled mistakes before? Can I learn from this one too?

Notice what happens? You’re not pretending it didn’t happen. You’re not telling yourself, “It’s fine, I’m amazing!” when it doesn’t feel true. You’re facing reality—but without piling on unhelpful, irrational beliefs.

When you shift from irrational to rational beliefs, you:

• Feel more in control of how you respond.
• Reduce emotional overwhelm, even in tough times.
• Make clearer decisions, unclouded by panic or self-blame.
• Build resilience, because setbacks don’t define you—they teach you.

3 Tips to Practice Realistic Thinking

One: Pause and name the belief.

Ask yourself, 'What am I telling myself right now?' You can’t dispute what you haven’t identified.

Two: Ask three key questions:

• Is it true?
• Is it helping?
• Does it logically follow?

Three: Replace with a more rational belief.

Something like: 'I don’t like this mistake, but I can learn from it. It doesn’t define my worth.'

In Summary:

Disputing beliefs isn’t about lying to yourself with fluffy affirmations. It’s about aligning your thoughts with reality so you can feel better, do better, and move forward with clarity and strength.
Because when your beliefs are realistic, your actions are powerful.