Gaslighting at work: Recognising it and Reclaiming Your Reality

Gaslighting is a subtle yet powerful form of psychological manipulation that can erode self-trust, distort reality, and leave individuals questioning their own experiences. In workplace settings, gaslighting can be particularly insidious, as it often comes from those in positions of authority or colleagues with more influence. Understanding how to recognize it and applying Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) can help you protect your mental well-being and regain control.

What Does Gaslighting Look Like at Work?

Gaslighting can take many forms, but here are some common examples:

• Blatant Denial of Facts: A manager dismisses your concerns about a project deadline, saying, “I never told you that,” even though you have emails to prove otherwise.
• Minimizing Your Feelings: A colleague constantly interrupts you in meetings, and when you bring it up, they respond, “You’re overreacting. That’s just how things are done here.”
• Shifting Blame: You receive unclear instructions, but when you seek clarification, your boss says, “You should have known what I meant.”
• Questioning Your Competence: A coworker repeatedly undermines your ideas in front of others and then tells you, “You’re too sensitive. You need to toughen up.”

Emma, a skilled marketing strategist, worked under a manager who constantly changed expectations without informing her. Whenever she sought clarification, he dismissed her concerns, saying, “I never asked for that,” or “You must have misunderstood.” Over time, Emma began to doubt her own memory and abilities, leading to stress and anxiety. It wasn’t until she confided in a trusted mentor that she realised she was being gaslit.

Here's a structured way you can turn this around with the help of REBT, by challenging distorted thinking and regaining confidence. Here’s how you can apply it:

1. Challenge the Irrational Beliefs

Gaslighting often leads to irrational beliefs such as, “If my manager says I’m wrong, I must be incompetent.” Instead, ask yourself:

• Is this true? Do I have evidence to support my abilities?
• Does it logically follow? Just because someone says something doesn’t mean it’s accurate.
• Is this belief helping me? If not, it’s time to shift perspectives.

2. Reaffirm Your Reality with Evidence

Keep a written record of key conversations, emails, and instructions. If someone tries to distort reality, refer to your documentation. For example:

• If a manager denies giving instructions, you can respond, “I recall you mentioning this in our email from last week. I’m happy to resend it.”
• If a coworker downplays your concerns, you can say, “I understand you see it differently, but my experience is valid.”

3. Set Boundaries and Seek Support

You don’t have to engage in endless debates with a gaslighter. Instead, set clear boundaries:

• “I prefer to communicate via email to ensure clarity.”
• “Let’s document key takeaways from meetings moving forward.”
• If the behavior persists, seek support from HR, a mentor, or a therapist.

Gaslighting can make you question yourself, but through REBT, you can regain confidence in your perceptions and set boundaries to protect your well-being. Recognizing the manipulation, challenging irrational beliefs, and reinforcing your reality are powerful tools to navigate workplace gaslighting effectively.
If you’ve experienced gaslighting at work, remember—you are not alone, and your experiences are valid. Take proactive steps to stand firm in your truth and reclaim your workplace confidence.