Managing the Stress of Interpersonal Conflict: An REBT Approach

Managing the Stress of Interpersonal Conflict: An REBT Approach

Dec 13, 2024

Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction. Whether it’s a heated discussion with a colleague, a misunderstanding with a loved one, or an argument with a friend, interpersonal conflict often leads to stress that can disrupt our emotional well-being and productivity. Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) offers a powerful framework to navigate these conflicts, reduce stress, and foster healthier relationships.


James and his coworker, Maria, frequently clashed during team meetings. Maria often interrupted James when he spoke, which James interpreted as a lack of respect. His internal dialogue sounded like: “Maria always undermines me. She has no right to treat me this way. I can’t work with someone so rude!”

These thoughts not only heightened James’s stress but also caused him to avoid collaborating with Maria, further straining their professional relationship. Eventually, James sought advice from a mentor who introduced him to REBT. By challenging his beliefs and reframing the situation, James found a way to address the conflict constructively.


At its core, REBT emphasizes that it’s not the event itself—in this case, Maria’s interruptions—that causes stress, but rather our beliefs about the event. James’s irrational beliefs included:

  1. Demandingness: “Maria must always respect me and never interrupt.”
  2. Awfulizing: “Her interruptions are intolerable and ruin my work experience.”
  3. Global Ratings: “Maria’s actions make her a bad person.”

By identifying these beliefs, James began to see how they contributed to his stress and prevented a resolution.

Three Ways to Implement REBT in Interpersonal Conflict
  1. Dispute Irrational Beliefs
  2. Ask yourself: Is this belief logical or helpful? For James, the belief that Maria must respect him was rigid and unrealistic. By reframing it, he thought: “I prefer Maria not interrupt me, but I can handle it if she does. Her actions don’t define her or our working relationship.”
  3. Focus on What You Can Control
  4. Instead of dwelling on the other person’s behavior, consider your response. James decided to address the interruptions directly but calmly: “Maria, I’d appreciate it if you could let me finish my thoughts before jumping in.” This empowered him to take action without escalating the conflict.
  5. Adopt a Growth Mindset
  6. View conflict as an opportunity to learn and strengthen relationships. James recognized that Maria’s interruptions weren’t personal but a reflection of her communication style. This shift reduced his emotional reaction and opened the door to collaboration.


Through REBT, James navigated his conflict with Maria more effectively. By changing his perspective and addressing the issue constructively, he not only reduced his stress but also improved their working relationship.


Interpersonal conflict doesn’t have to lead to overwhelming stress. By applying REBT principles, we can challenge our irrational beliefs, focus on constructive actions, and foster stronger, healthier connections. Conflict, when approached with clarity and empathy, can become a stepping stone to growth rather than a source of distress.
Have you ever used a mindset shift to resolve interpersonal conflict? Share your experiences below!