Struggling with a lack of control? Here's some ideas that might help
The feeling of losing control can be overwhelming. Whether it’s due to unexpected changes at work, personal setbacks, or broader societal shifts, the sense that you’re not steering your own ship can lead to stress, anxiety, and even hopelessness. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) offers practical tools to navigate these feelings and reclaim your sense of equilibrium.
Consider James, a project manager at a fast-paced tech startup. Recently, his company underwent a restructuring that resulted in new leadership and tighter deadlines. James felt blindsided by the changes. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t keep up with the new demands.
James’ sense of control eroded further when a key team member resigned unexpectedly. He started losing sleep, worrying incessantly about project outcomes, and doubting his abilities. The harder he tried to control every detail, the more exhausted and ineffective he became.
When James sought support, his therapist introduced him to REBT, helping him to identify and challenge the irrational beliefs fueling his distress.
REBT teaches that much of our stress stems from irrational beliefs about control. These might include:
- “I must be in control of everything at all times.”
- “If things don’t go according to plan, everything will fall apart.”
- “Others should always act in ways that align with my expectations.”
While these beliefs may feel valid, they are often unrealistic and unhelpful. By reframing them, you can learn to adapt to challenges without becoming overwhelmed.
1. Identify What You Can and Cannot Control
James began by listing the aspects of his situation he could influence versus those he could not. For instance:
- Within his control: Setting realistic priorities, communicating with his team, and managing his time effectively.
- Outside his control: Leadership decisions, team resignations, and market conditions.
By focusing his energy on actionable areas, James felt more empowered and less consumed by frustration.
2. Challenge Catastrophic Thinking
James often caught himself thinking, “If I miss this deadline, my career is over.” His therapist encouraged him to ask:
- Is it true? Missing one deadline doesn’t equate to career failure.
- Does it logically follow? No, one setback does not define professional competence.
- Is it helping? Catastrophic thinking only increased his stress and impaired his decision-making.
By challenging these thoughts, James learned to approach setbacks with a more balanced perspective.
3. Practice Acceptance and Flexibility
REBT emphasizes the importance of accepting what you cannot change. James started using affirmations like, “I may not control every outcome, but I can control how I respond.” This helped him remain flexible and open to alternative solutions, even when plans went awry.
Through REBT, James developed resilience in the face of uncertainty. He realized that while he couldn’t control every external factor, he could control his mindset and actions. This shift allowed him to lead his team with renewed confidence and adapt to changes with less emotional strain.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a lack of control, remember: life’s unpredictability doesn’t have to dictate your peace of mind. By challenging irrational beliefs and focusing on what you can influence, you can regain balance and thrive, no matter the circumstances.
